Flummoxed

I was pondering something deep the other day at breakfast, or at least that's the way that I recall it now, when Amy asked me a question. I said something about being flummoxed and she asked what flummoxed meant. I thought for a minute, hoping that I really knew, and explained that it meant confused, not sure about things. It took a couple of tries, but within a minute or two she was able to repeat the word back to me. A couple of days later I told her I was confused about something and she asked "are you flummoxed?" Perhaps a coincidence I thought to myself. A few more days passed and I didn't say the word, nor did I hear her say it. Then, as Beth and I drove through the parking lot at Big Basin, trying to figure out whether or not a car was going to leave and where we should park, Amy asked clearly "Daddy, are you flummoxed?" As Beth and I cracked up, we told her that not only were we flummoxed, but that she had asked the perfect question at the right time. Now I have to teach her about being flabbergasted.

Two Years

On July 27, 2010 we celebrated our second "Family Day" by going out to dinner at China Chile. It hasn't quite become a tradition yet, but we have been consistent in marking the anniversary of the day we met Amy. I suspect that the intensity of the celebration will increase as Amy becomes more aware of the significance of the date. There was so much happening during those first few weeks that it's difficult to remember everything, but I do clearly remember going to the offices of the CCAA and nervously awaiting, along with other families, for some sign that we were going to meet the director, have a nice little chat and then receive Amy. Well, I missed the sign and we missed any chat because before we knew it someone was putting Amy into Beth's waiting arms. There were tears all around, and the start of what we hope is a long journey together commenced. Three days after celebrating the anniversary the three of us went to the Oakland court house to finalize the US readoption. We had been assured by everybody that the process we followed in China and with the US Consulate resulted in a 100% official adoption. However some people suggested that we also finalize it in the US with a formal adoption process. Beth completed the paperwork over several weeks and we made our way into the courthouse. Amy wore her pretty dress (which she loves to do) and we got there at 9:15 for our 9:30 appointment. We waited anxioulsy in the court room. As we waited Amy, of course, made friends with Jade - the little girl that was waiting with her family for the judge. Finally, at about 9:45 the judge called in the first family as we waited to see how long it would take. About 10 minutes later, the now officially larger family emerged from the judge's chamberS and we were called in. The judge immediately set us at ease and even the pictures of his family on his desk made for a nice setting. He explained that this was the easiest part of the process, he reminded us that this is a forever commitment and told us that a family made by adoption is no different than a biological family. He told us we had duties as parents and he said that the child also had duties. He had been pressed on this before by parents wanting the law of the land on their side, so he had explained to that family - as he now did for us - that the child was obligated to clean her room. We made Amy promise to the judge that she would. She promised. We plan on holding her to it. We walked out of the room with our papers, headed down to the registrar to get the official seals and then walked out of the courthouse - a family now connected and inseperable in every possible way.

New Posting

It's been a long time since we last posted anything about Amy. I could probably write for a long time, but I know that eventually Amy will wake up from her nap, and the patience of any readers we have will probably be tested by whatever I do end up writing. I am well aware that no child is as precious, precocious, pretty or perfect as our own, so I'll try to keep bragging to a minimum.

Amy is now a full fledged little girl. Today, Easter, she had on her pretty dress and she enjoyed getting the opportunity to wear her fancy black shoes. However, since she's still also a little kid, she took just as much joy in wearing the large fabric ladybug wings that are leftover from her Halloween costume. It does seem a fitting salute to spring (in spite of the rain surrounding the celebration).

She awoke to find that the Easter Bunny left her a basket and had hidden some eggs around the house as well as a couple of other small presents. She is definitely getting the idea behind the major holidays (at least the same idea as many of the rest of us have - food - gifts - fun; oh yeah, and maybe there's some signficance that we don't quite fully embrace or understand).

The past months we've witnessed Amy going from struggling to express herself, to today's situation, where she not only clearly states her views, she also manages to try to convince us through a wide range of emotions, and periodicially even a logical argument or two. I think that Beth and I generally still get our way more often than Amy does, but she's going to be a pretty fierce negotiator. When we tell her no, she often says "compromise" by which she means that we should do it her way. I guess that's what many of us mean when we say compromise.

We've been richly blessed. She has been healthy and is a good kid. She shares, she laughs, she (sometimes) cleans up after herself and she brings us daily doses of joy and love that are greater than any frustration that even a full-fledged two year old can provide.

I doubt that I'll return to frequent postings, but I will write here again relatively soon.

Peace.

One year ago we wrote...



"TODAY'S THE DAY!!After some rather major luggage problems (we did get it all last night at last) and two flights, we met our two wonderful guides, Tom and Jim, at the airport. The hotel is great, huge room and crib already. Off to the museum this morning, then to the orphanage office here in Nanchang at 3pm for THE big event. We hardly slept last night! Can't wait.... "



And here we are one year later. On the eve of our first official family day. What a wonderful year it has been. Amy has developed from a baby into a (more) multi-dimensional child. She has taught us so much during the first 12 months. We have learned patience, and magnified our understanding of the meaning of joy. We have seen her fall down and bump her head so many times, yet her spirit is unencumbered, no, strengthened, by these experiences. She is 21 months and has the full independent spirit of a two year old. We try to not laugh when she says "Nooowww" to let us know that she is quite capable of making decisions on her own and that we are best served to take her direction. Which we always do, if of course it happens to agree with the direction that we already were pointed in.



It is hard to imagine that there was a time when we she couldn't walk, let alone crawl. Now she twists and spins to the music, practices "slow...slow...slow...FAST" as she seems to hover across the family room floor. She taps her ear to let us know that it is time for music and has learned that "Xie xie" is as good as, or better than, her sign language for saying thank you.



During the past 12 months I can't imagine how many peoples' days she has already brightened with her smile and her Peek-a-booing" at restaurants and wherever else she meets someone. If I were half as outgoing as her I would be a world-class salesperson. Instead, I think that I have the other part of her personality that peers through occassionally as she grabs onto moma's or dada's leg from behind and says "shyyy." Those of us that know her know that it is only a game to allow her to draw out her next BFF (best friend forever - of course.)



The number of photos has decreased considerably, in small part due to a video camera that takes care of capturing larger swaths of her life, but also because we are so busy being with her that it is hard to take the time to capture any single moment. I have enough shots to be able to create the basic images in my memory and I will let the rest be filled in with a combination of memory and imagination as time goes by. One of the things that I have been reminded of throughout this experience is the benefit of living in the moment. We had enough other reasons to know this before, but seeing her smile, even as she lifts the plate from the tray in a way that is sure to get her admonished, is the kind of experience that can only live in this moment.



One year. 12 months. Such a small part of my life, but a part that has forever changed who I am and who I will be and has brought a much different meaning to who I have been. I can not imagine what is wating for us around the corner. When I do take those foolish steps to peek around the corner I am filled with a powerful combination of joy and fear. I look forward to climbing mountains (literally and figuratively) as a family of three. I anxiously await the chance to ride a roller coaster with her and to watch her in her first recital (or debate, or soccer game, or who knows what). The anxiety comes in knowing that each of us are only on this earth for such a short time, and that now it matters more than ever that I am here to experience tomorrow. This powerful ambivalence drives me back to today, to this hour, and to this minute.



And to Amy I write, I love you. Thank you for all that you have given me. Xie Xie.

Up, more, moo, meow
Key, monkey, bottle, ball
Bye-bye, hello, Mama, Dada
Music, go, quack, bath

Milk, duck, door

Okay, so Amy's pronunciation of these words may not be obvious to everyone, but they do tend to be used at the right time and she is able to get her point across. Of course she has other ways of making her point -- literally pointing and saying "that- that" clearly wondering how foolish we are to not know what she wanted before she gestured. She has other gestures too; my favorite is a one hand swipe followed by Grrr when we look at the "Brown Bear" book (without the hand symbol the Grrr is also useful for lions). Tonight we were looking at a book with a baby that had his tongue sticking out and Amy followed suit and looked to me to have me stick my tongue out too. It is so much fun to watch her ability to communicate grow.

Speaking of growing, she went to the doctor today and is at about mid-way in the height charts and on the thin, but healthy side. Everything seems to be pretty much on track. She's now 21.25 pounds and 2'7" tall. Apparently our kitchen table is about 2'5" since she has to duck a bit to get under the same table that provided lots of head room when she first started walking under it.

We are committed to savoring every day with her. Every parent knows what it is like to have a child go from baby to driver in the blink of an eye. We're trying to not blink.

Loyal readers will note a decrease in blogging frequency. I hope to make a monthly posting for a while but will be phasing this out later this year. Hopefully loyal readers will have enough chances to spend time with Amy to see for yourselves how special she is.

In Sickness and in Health

Amy has for the most part recovered from her first major cold since she has been with us. Here's the summary: high fever, cough, runny cold, visit with the doctor, poking, prodding, worrying, "it's a virus," sleeplessness, Tylenol, "I think she's getting better," gradual recovery, higher energy, smiles return, relief settles in.



An interesting side effect of her illness was another dose of joy when her health started returning and her usual disposition reappeared. Once she gave me the "scrunchy face" I knew that everything was going to be okay. I am amazed at how much pleasure we both experience just from watching her.



Today we went to Gymboree and she demonstrated her advanced climbing skills. She's been practicing this new behavior at home by getting herself into our leather chair. She looks like she has just solved world hunger based upon the sense of satisfaction she displays while sitting regally in the chair. So far the only way down is with an assist from an adult but we're working on safe alternatives. At Gymboree she managed to climb up a pretty steep ramp using handholds and places to rest her knees. I was quite impressed. And then I realized just how many things there are for her to climb on at home. Lucky I am trained in risk identification and mitigation!



We are getting ready for Chinese New Year. It's a two week celebration that starts in a couple of days. We'll be going to a big party with lots of other familes that have adopted from China. It's always fun to see Amy interact with other kids and this should be especially fun.



Gung Hay Fat Choy (Cantonese) and Xin Nian Kuai Le! (Mandarin)

A New Year

Everything is new this year. We think that it is so fascinating to see Amy study an object - it doesn't much matter whether it is a computer program or a piece of rug fuzz - ten minutes at a time. We stare at her and think how wonderful it is that she can be so amused by something that is new to her. Of course the irony is that we too are studying that which is new to us with the same rapt attention. If someone were watching us he would say "Isn't it cute how they can sit there and look at this creature for hours without saying a word."



We had a wonderful extended Christmas. Beth's Mom joined us for a few days which helped extend the family feeling of the celebration. Hopefully the family members that haven't met Amy can do so soon, and those who have met her can quickly return. It would be so nice to be closer to the extended family but the current situation forces us to focus on "quality time" when we do get together.



Amy is already developing nearly as quickly as everyone warned us she might. Her vocabulary is increasing (and/or our ability to understand strange sounds is improving), she is running around the house like she owns it and she continues to dance, smile and wave her way into the hearts of strangers and friends. Yesterday we went out to dinner at a local restaurant and she not only charmed the waiters and some of the neighboring tables, she managed to do so without creating an unpleasant scene during the entire dinner. We try to not take this behavior for granted but she is spoiling us.



We hope that the new year brings you the sense of joy that we all have deep within us - the joy of running around the house, exploring new things, making new friends and appreciating that every step is a miracle.